Healthy Ego Work: Edit Your Relationships

What is one messy relationship you are in right now?

Maybe it’s a work relationship that brings out a side of you that you don’t like…

Maybe it’s a personal relationship that is overshadowing work, causing you to feel muddled in both contexts…

Some other examples…

A work colleague who questions your decisions

A boss who shares your professional interests, but not your values

A partner who wants you to be happy, but is fearful of any big change

The process of editing your relationships starts simply.

Step 1: Choose one relationship to focus on.

Step 2: Start by asking yourself: 

• How does this relationship make me feel?

• Can I name the emotion?

*If you want some help naming the emotion, this EQ resource is really useful.

Step 3: If you can name the emotion, ask yourself: 

• If I stay in [emotion], what am I even more inclined to believe about this person?

• If I stay in [emotion], what am I even more inclined to believe about myself?

Step 4: If you find that the relationship-emotion-belief cycle is undermining your ego, ask yourself:

• What’s another way I can show up to the relationship?

• What kind of relationship would support me and my people?

*I advise my coaching clients use archetypes or metaphors to illustrate different kinds of relationships.  

Step 5: Once you identify a different kind of relationship, ask yourself:  

• Am I willing to show up as though I’m already in that kind of relationship? or…

• Am I willing to seek out more relationships like that?

Step 6: Enact one relationship choice and notice what new experiences and beliefs become available to you as a result.

COACH'S NOTE: If you struggle to imagine a different kind of relationship, revisit one of your favorite, inspirational movies or books. Usually those sources are rich with insights about ego (healthy and unhealthy) and the kind of relationships worth being in.